


Old Lies, New Lies

by still_lycoris



Series: A Lie Hurts Forever [2]
Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, F/M, Jealousy, Loneliness, M/M, Manipulation, Weddings, inappropriate feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-17
Updated: 2008-10-17
Packaged: 2019-10-13 11:15:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17487101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/still_lycoris/pseuds/still_lycoris
Summary: The days before, around and the day of Sayu's wedding to Mikami Teru.





	Old Lies, New Lies

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the dn_contest prompt "wedding." The stuff in italics came from [Here](https://www.myweddingvows.com/traditional-wedding-vows/buddhist-wedding-vows).

_In the future, happy occasions will come as surely as the morning.  
Difficult times will come as surely as the night._

“Teru. Come and sit with me.”

Kami’s voice was a command, not request but Teru didn’t care. He would always willingly sit with Kami and looked forward to the times that he could be with him. When not asked, he would curl up at Kami’s feet instead and stare up at him. Kami often stroked his hair when they sat like that and Teru almost preferred the sensation of that to the honour of sitting next to his God. That was wrong of course and he _did_ love the honour but … But.

He sat next to Kami now, resisting the urge to lean too close and stared shyly into Kami’s face. Kami had lost weight since the defeat of his enemies which bothered Teru slightly – clearly the stress was getting to him more than Teru had anticipated. But his eyes were bright and he seemed content and that was the main thing. Everything was going as Kami had wanted it to and he said that Teru was doing his job well, which made Teru happier than almost anything else that Kami could have said to him.

“Teru,” Kami said to him now, propping himself up on his elbow and looking closely into Teru’s face. “Are you happy?”

Why would Kami ask such a question? How could Teru be anything but happy when the world he’d always dreamed of was being created by his very eyes, helped to form by his very hands? Beside him was the living, breathing incarnation of a God that Teru had prayed to since he was a child and that being asked if he was _happy?_

“Yes, Kami! Of course I am happy!”

“You answer so fiercely,” Kami said, his lips quirking into a smile. “Almost too fiercely, Teru. I know that you are pleased, yes, but what I want is to know if you are truly content. If you life how you wanted it to be?”

“Of course it is!” Teru said, trying to keep the fanatical fierceness from his voice this time. “Kami, this is all I _ever_ wanted! I am with you and that is … is perfection to me.”

Kami smiled warmly and Teru basked in the glow of it, waiting for Kami’s next words. When they came, it was a confusing subject change but Kami did that sometimes and Teru prided himself in always keeping abreast of what was happening in Kami’s mind.

“I need to have a bath,” he said. “Come on.”

Teru felt an uncomfortable stirring inside him. Kami had done this before, bathing while Teru sat with him and talked. Sometimes, he let Teru wash his hair and Teru always found himself confused by it somehow. Almost inappropriate, although of course that was not real. He was attracted to Kami of course, that was only natural but it wasn’t _sexual_. To be interested in Kami in such a base way would be disgusting, unnatural. Therefore it was confusing when he found his body responding in inappropriate ways. But he nodded his head and followed Kami quietly up the stairs and ran the water for him, testing it to make sure it wasn’t too hot. He turned away when Kami stripped but looked away once he was totally under the water, waiting for Kami to say whatever was on his mind.

“Mikami.”

“Yes, Kami?”

“Do you like Sayu?”

Another strange subject change but Teru could follow it. He didn’t feel that he really knew Kami’s family very well, despite spending quite a bit of time with them. Sachiko-san was clearly very unhappy although Teru couldn’t for the life of him understand _why_. Surely she ought to be very happy now that everything was coming to a wonderful conclusion? Perhaps it was a reaction to the stress she’d suffered – her husband had only recently died after all and her daughter had been terribly abused by Evil Ones. In a strange way, that had helped him like Sayu-chan. She understood what it was like to be cruelly treated by sinners and it had left her scarred, just like him. They had only briefly touched on her experiences but Teru found himself feeling an odd sort of kinship with her and tried to be especially kind whenever he saw her.

“Yes Kami. She is a very nice girl.”

“She likes you, I think,” Kami said, stretching in the water. “Teru, wash my hair for me?”

Teru pushed down that strange weakness that buzzed inside him and obeyed, gently caressing Kami’s scalp with his fingers before wetting his hair and beginning to apply the shampoo. Kami lay quite still for a while, every now and then giving soft, approving sighs when Teru did something he liked. Eventually, he opened his eyes and looked up at Teru with a thoughtful expression.

“Mikami, would you like to marry Sayu?”

Teru almost fell into the bath. His soapy hands fell from Kami’s head in shock and to his disgust, he got soap all over his trousers. Grabbing paper to try and clean himself, he struggled to find an appropriate response and only managed to make some humiliating mumbling noises from a very dry mouth.

“Oh dear, I’ve embarrassed you,” Kami said softly. “Please don’t worry, I won’t be at all offended should you refuse. You see, I want to get my family settled before I go and, well, I thought this might be good security for them. And you and Sayu seemed to get on so well and I thought you might like to be part of my family.” His smile was warm and loving. “And well, selfishly, I suppose it is a good way to keep you close to me. A natural way for us to see us all the time without anything looking strange. Even if you were not my Eyes, I always want to be close to you …”

Teru felt a strange swell inside him. Kami wanted him nearby. Kami wanted to see him, Kami wanted him to be family, Kami felt that he _deserved_ to be part of his family. And Sayu was nice, wasn’t she? He’d often thought that she was pretty, she looked so like her brother …

“O-of course Kami,” he stammered. “I would … I would be honoured to marry Sayu-chan.”

“Thank you,” Kami said. He reached out a damp hand and when Teru shyly took it, Kami pulled him down to the bath and gently kissed him. Teru kissed back, shaking, telling himself that it was pure and chaste because it was from Kami, and Kami would do something like this except as a blessing and Teru would of course want nothing more than just Kami’s blessings and yes, they had kissed before and it had turned to other, wonderful things but it was of course, merely a blessing from God …

Then Kami drew away and went back to his bathing and Teru watched him and told himself that no doubt, when he was married to Sayu, he would feel these feelings for her too.

After all, she was Kami’s sister.

_When things go joyously, meditate according to the Buddhist tradition.  
When things go badly, meditate._

Misa tried to keep an appropriate expression on her face at Sayu-chan’s wedding but it was very difficult. Watching Sayu-chan and Mikami go through all of the ceremony that she so desperately wanted for herself made her feel depressed and watching Light stare at Mikami made her angry. All in all, it took all her actress skills to keep herself smiling.

She had never liked Mikami Teru. She never would have done – she always found the neat-freak type infuriating, always had done and loved the annoy them – but worse than that, there was the fact that he had designs on her Light.

Not that he would admit it, of course. He’d turned white when she’d sneered at him for it and turned away, muttering that she was disgusting. And later, Light had coolly told her not to be so rude to his friends.

“But he’s _icky_ ,” she’d said, trying to sound mature and calm. “He _looks_ at you.”

“Of course he _looks_ at me. I’m the living incarnation of the God he’s been waiting for,” Light had snapped. “Anyway, why shouldn’t he look at me? If I’m really as wonderful and handsome as you say I am, surely it’s only to be expected that other people will look at me. I don’t know why you’re so bothered.”

And she didn’t know what to say, what _could_ she say? That it wasn’t that she minded other people looking (which wasn’t exactly true but she could deal with it) but that she minded Light’s responses? How could she say that to him? What would he say back? Would he say something she didn’t want to hear? Would he smirk and say she shouldn’t be so stupid? Or would he maybe say something else? Something … worse?

Misa wasn’t stupid. She’d never been stupid, although it often did well to play up a careless silliness. She knew that Light had been playing with Takada, of course he had and those “games” had been physical, no matter what Motchi had tried to say. And okay, so it had been necessary (it _had_ , hadn’t it?) but still. Still. And now, now there was Mikami Teru, who stared at Light with devoted eyes and knelt at his feet and touched his fingers and Light smiled back, and stroked his hair and allowed his fingertips to be kissed …

Light would say it was normal, wouldn’t he? Just normal, just appropriate for Mikami to show that he cared in such a devoted way and Light to accept it. And maybe that was right, maybe Misa was wrong and stupid and didn’t know … but she didn’t feel that way. She didn’t feel that her Light was _safe_ around Mikami. Obviously Light wasn’t gay or anything like that, but anyone could be confused, couldn’t they? Anyone could have their head turned by such devoted affection, by someone twistedly wanting them. So really, it would be better all round if Mikami Teru simply wasn’t _there._

And really, she wasn’t quite sure that him marrying Sayu-chan was far enough away for her taste.

“Why does he even _want_ to marry her?” she’d asked when Light had told her.

“Why wouldn’t he?” Light had asked coolly. “What you saying about my sister?”

“Nothing about Sayu-chan,” Misa had said. “Sayu-chan is _nice_. She’s too young for him anyway, Mikami-kun is _old_.”

“Oh rubbish, Misa!” Light snapped. “She’s seven years younger than him, that’s _nothing_. My parents had that sort of age gap.”

And Misa could have said so many things, she could have said look at _look at how their marriage turned out_ or _look at Sachiko-san now, all alone_ or even _did your father **really** make your mother that happy?_ But she said none of them and bit her lip, turning away. And once, Light would have patted her shoulder or told her not to fret but now he didn’t do anything at all.

“Yours will be the next wedding!” Sayu-chan said, her eyes over-bright in a white face. “Won’t that be lovely? You and Light, together and we’ll come of course, you know we will.”

“Of course!” Misa said, her cheery smile properly fixed on. “Light’s _so_ busy right now but he’s looking forward to being married soon, he really is! And he and Misa enjoyed helping you with your wedding _so_ much, Sayu-chan! It was lovely!”

And she looked at the wedding gown she’d picked that suited Sayu-chan perfectly and the beautiful decorations and the wonderful hall and food and she thought rather numbly that if she couldn’t have the wedding she longed for, at least someone else could. And she looked over at Light, who was standing next to Mikami-kun, shaking his hand and their fingers lingered together for slightly too long before they finally pulled apart and Misa felt a miserable emptiness inside her that she tried to push away. She suddenly wished that Mogi was there, or Matsuda, someone to give her a hug and smile and tell her that it was okay, that Misa-Misa was strong and happy and they knew it.

But they weren’t there. So many people weren’t in Misa-Misa’s life any more. And of course, Mogi and Matsuda didn’t deserve to be there, did they, because there was bad people, Light had said so, Light had said it had to happen …

Just like he’d said _this_ had to happen. But Light had to be right, didn’t he? Because if he wasn’t right, if he wasn’t doing things the way they should be done … what was the point of everything? What had it all been _for?_

Maybe it was time for her to partake in some of the sake.

_Meditation in the manner of the Compassionate Buddha will guide your life.  
To say the words ‘love and compassion’ is easy._

Sayu wasn’t sure if she ought to speak to her mother or not after the service.

There were so many _people_. Sayu had mostly avoided people since what had happened in LA; now she was surrounded by them. People she hardly knew or hadn’t seen for years, all wanting to shake her hand and congratulate her and tell her what a stunning catch Mikami (Teru, she could call him Teru now) was. Some of them were Teru’s friends and they wanted to tell her how lovely it was to meet her, how they hoped Teru would treat her well. (“If they ask how you met,” Light said calmly. “Say that it was through Father. That’s all you have to say, they will fill in the blanks themselves.”)

Sayu was sure Teru would treat her well. She wasn’t really afraid of that. Teru was the sort of person who did everything he thought he was supposed to. He would be kind to her, he would make sure she provided for, had everything she wanted and needed. He’d given her the softest, chastest kiss earlier and it had been pleasant enough, suggesting that maybe the wedding night wouldn’t be a trial. He was a good man.

(“He’s a good man,” Light said, holding her hands. “And don’t you think he’s beautiful, Sayu? C’mon, don’t give me that look, I spent too long around your childhood crushes not to know when you find someone beautiful.”)

She looked over to him and saw him with Light now, smiling that dreamy smile she often saw him smile. Wasn’t he supposed to smile that smile at her? He hadn’t really smiled at her that much. She’d always had a hopeful idea that the man she married would ask her to marry him, that it would be romantic. Light had done all of that. He’d organised her marriage too, told her what would happen, when it would happen. In a strange way, she rather felt that she might have married Light rather than Mi – Teru.

When she’d been little, she’d once told Light she was going to marry him. He’d laughed and kissed her forehead and said “I don’t think you’re allowed to marry your big brother.” She’d sniffled and Light had hugged her and said “Well, if Mum and Dad say yes … ”

Another stranger, shaking her hand, telling her how lucky she was. She fixed a smile on her face and really wanted to find her mother. But Sachiko didn’t seem to be in the room any more and Sayu suddenly felt terrified and by herself even though there were hundreds of people there …

“Sayu-chan?”

Teru at her side. He reached out to touch her and then withdrew his hand, looking scared. Sayu looked back at him and wondered exactly what would happen when they went to up to their wedding bed. The thought made her giggle and she must have giggled a little too enthusiastically because Teru stepped back, looking scared and looked around, seeking help. Sayu struggled not to giggle any more and suddenly realised that she was almost crying instead. Muttering something, she pushed away and stumbled into the bathroom, locking herself away and rubbing teary eyes over and over and wishing that her father was there.

But he wasn’t. There wasn’t anyone there any more. Even mother couldn’t look after her any more. Her mother was sad and ill and frightened and her brother – 

Sayu didn’t like think about what her brother was.

She wiped her face carefully, swallowed and returned to the party, smiling reassuringly at Teru. But he didn’t see her. He was talking to Light again.

Well. No change there, was there? Everyone had always liked Light better, hadn’t they?

Why should something like a marriage change that?

_But to accept that love and compassion are built upon patience  
and perseverance is not easy._

Sachiko had always thought that her daughter’s wedding would be one of the best days of her life.

She’d tried very hard not to be “that” sort of mother. She’d told herself not to plan Sayu or Light’s weddings, not even when they brought home boyfriends and girlfriends. It was none of her business, of course it wasn’t. But still. Sometimes at night, she’d pictured their wedding days, how perfect it would be, how proud she and Soichiro would be.

Only Soichiro wasn’t there. And if he had been, he wouldn’t have been proud. He would have been revolted, furious, filled with rage. Demanding to know how they could possibly let Sayu marry someone so disgusting, so perverted. Someone who was obsessed with the worse sort of justice. Someone who was obsessed with someone other than their daughter.

She fixed a plastic smile to her face as she struggled through the day. Sayu’s smile looked oddly plastic too and Sachiko tried to think of something to say to her. She knew she wouldn’t though. She’d spent weeks trying to think of something to say.

Her own wedding had been wonderful. Surrounded by family and friends, Soichiro looking magnificently handsome, warm weather, good food … she’d been sure there’d have to be a catch somewhere, some sort of karmatic payback for the fact that her wedding was going so brilliantly. There hadn’t been. Perhaps this was it. Perhaps her luck had sucked everything away from her children and that was why Sayu’s wedding was so awful. Would Light’s wedding be tarnished too? (would Light ever _get_ married? She wasn’t sure any more.)

Light was currently leaning against a pillar, talking to Mikami and Sachiko felt her stomach squirm at the sight of them together. She wondered dully if she should have tried harder to put a stop to it all but what else could she have done anyway? What would have been the point ? She had no power over Light any more, anyway. (had she ever had any power over him?) He decided what was best and now the whole world would simply fall into line with his dreams.

She felt sick and claustrophobic in here. She was so tired of _pretending_ , so tired of putting a smile on her face when the last thing she wanted to do was smile and act as though everything was fine and happy. Did any of these people _know_ what her son was? Did they _care?_ So many of them, talking casually about “Lord Kira” like it was something _good_ , something that didn’t matter and oh, she hated them, she hated them _all_ and if Soichiro had been here …

She missed him so much. He’d hardly been around in those last years and it hadn’t been fair, it hadn’t, he’d promised her that he’d only die after retiring so they’d spend lots of time together. And then he _hadn’t_ he’d gone away and _left_ her and it wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fair, it wasn’t _fair!_

She had to get out of there. She couldn’t stand amongst these people any more. Turning, she pushed her way gently through them, stopping once she finally reached the fresh air, gulping in great lungfulls and trying to wipe the threat of tears from her eyes. She couldn’t be seen crying. They’d suggest it was tears of joy but Sayu would know it wasn’t and Light would know it wasn’t and she didn’t want Light knowing anything any more. She didn’t trust him not to be use it against her. 

She simply didn’t trust him.

_Soichiro, what should I do?_

But there was no answer. Why would there be?

“Mother?”

She turned and looked at Light, who had slipped out of the door. He smiled that warm, calming smile at her that no longer had any affect on her and held out his hand.

“Don’t you want to come back inside? People will miss you.”

“I needed some air,” she said.

“I get it,” Light said, still smiling. “I guess it’s a bit weird right? But you won’t lose her. Teru and she will visit all the time.”

“Yes,” Sachiko agreed. “Of course they will. And what about you?”

“I’ll visit al the time too,” Light said lightly. “Don’t worry, I won’t be staying much longer.”

She wondered if there was more to that exchange that they were saying. Was Light aware of her feelings? How much did either of them know about the other.

“Come on Mother,” Light said coaxingly. “Sayu will be wondering where we are.”

He took her arm and Sachiko allowed herself to be escorted back in. No one seemed to have missed them. She couldn’t see Sayu anywhere and looked around for her. Light had released her arm and when she looked around, she saw that he was talking to Mikami again. Mikami was smiling and Light was smiling back, leaning closer, the body language of a lover, not a brother.

“Mother.”

Sayu appeared at her side and followed her eyes. She shrugged and gave Sachiko a rather dull smile.

“I don’t mind,” she said. “I never have, have I?”

Sachiko didn’t say anything. She put an arm around her daughters shoulders and they continued to pretend that Sayu’s wedding was the best day of her life.


End file.
